Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The F Word

No, not that one! FAILURE. It's a strong word you shouldn't use often, like hate. So why do I feel it over little things sometimes? Must be that stubborn type A personality I have. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it serves me very well, and sometimes it just has me getting in my own way.

For example, I didn't complete the workouts in Week 1 of my 10 weeks to a 10k plan. So what, you ask? Well, for me, it means disappointment, a blow to my confidence and a repeat of that week. See I won't move on until I get it right. So is that sad, or is it good? I just don't know. But I do know I have a 35 minute run to do tonight!

I've also decided it's time to transistion G to formula. I'm extremely grateful for being able to breastfeed at all as I know some women just aren't able to for various reasons. It has definitely been an experience, a lot of learning amd some frustration along the way but also great bonding with my little one. And we've done pretty well as a team. She's gone from this tiny little foreign thing:

To this chubby little human:

And I'm proud of that. So I guess the F word doesn't quite fit here, but I do feel guilt over this one since I'm doing it for myself-not her. One thing they don't tell you : Breastfeeding is time consuming! I spend alot of time at work pumping, get up in the middle of the night to do it, get up early to nurse and her wanting it is commonly the reason we stop workouts early. And sometimes I let her cry a little longer than usual because I want those last few minutes on the treadmill or those last few reps. Am I a bad mom for that?  

So there it is, I guess...maybe guilt is a better title for this post. Or maybe I need to learn to compromise. Or maybe I need to recognize that happier mom makes a happier G. I think we'll all be perfectly happy with our new arrangement-once the adjusting period is over. I'll let you know how that goes! Cross your fingers for me! :-)

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